The Population

Our demographic is ever growing much like our landmass, and the ratio of growth between the two has maintained a direct proportion relationship, which is a relief as that implies none of our inhabitants need to learn higher math. Since our real estate still only employs basic arithmetic, we have a lot of spare time on our hands, which we assiduously allocate toward burning things that piss Al Gore off. Garbageans are descendants of apathy and avarice, their cravings are insatiable and their manners are led astray from infancy. Garbagea’s ‘Greed Gospel’ predates the Old Testament; in fact it was Garbagean covetousness that led to the original sin. As a secular state of sinners, Garbageans also take pleasure in creating projectiles out of Green Peace crew members and shooting them directly into oil leak catastrophes as a type of spill response. Other characteristics of the indigenous include gargantuan egos, an intrinsic incapacity for prudent predation, a disinclination for self-restraint, and an explicit affinity for parasitism and solipsism. All Garbageans are configured to turn a blind eye toward globally stipulated quotas and social sanctions. Garbageans are equal opportunity polluters who conquer in the name of Garbagea, land, water and air alike. Garbageans are known for their tactless actions which can be accredited to the country’s credo ‘Acta non verba,’ which stipulates that all deeds must be executed sans a second thought and without internal communication and external verification.

A Garbagean raison d’être: Invade, Deteriorate, Devastate. The only other entity to embrace our motto effectively was the bubonic plague.

Languages spoken: Fluent in Money and Plural. Garbageans do not have the ear or internal wiring to comprehend spoken or performed “Singular” as its consumer syntax is so inherently different from the superfluous construct of Plural and Money.

A Petrochemical Parable:

‘Blasphemous Odd One Out’ i.e. B.O.O.O!
Eight out of ten people have never heard of a ‘trash-can’
One out of ten people knows what recycling means
Nine out of ten people convince that one person s/he is marginal and an idiot for trying
One out of ten takes initiative and starts an NGO and tries hard to drive home a green point
Nine out of ten people enroll themselves in positions of power and imprison the one heretic.
Nine out of ten then drive home in their gas guzzling SUVs whilst littering along the way.
One out of ten dies alone as a tool and traitor.
The End.