We do not produce any goods or services, so we do not have a manufacturing sector. We drain resources, blackmail, exploit, extort, consume rapaciously, and rig the supply demand model in our favor, much like a casino, so that we always win. We have yet to lose, but if we do you can take it on good authority that we will take everyone down with us. The only economic sector we can be bothered to fiddle with is the primary sector. Our primary sector focuses exclusively on the extraction of coal, oil and gas, which we execute without taking the necessary precautionary measures, sans environmental sanctions and by cutting costs every which way we can. This invariably leads to an oil spill, gas explosion or coal mine collapse but such risks exist with any get-rich-quick scheme, so why should this be any different. We always take responsibility for the disasters we cause and under the pretext of picking-up after ourselves we add fuel to the fire. We never consult with lobbyists, scientists or toxicologists because that wastes time and time is money. Seeking advice from people who know more than us also gets us minimum or poor publicity, this is why we make it our priority to ‘donate’ a cost oblivious amount in favor of a reputed NGO on a large presentation check which our accountant files as a tax write off shortly after we cut a ribbon or cake. We then veil our slip-up with celebrity PR, event endorsements and by manipulating any loophole we can find in any system invented to instill discipline of any sort. We have found from past experience that with oil spills, the use of toxic dispersants in copious quantities, and target bioremediation, i.e. we organically mop up our mess by soaking wild endangered birds in the slick, to be the most effective solutions. With gas leaks, explosions and mine collapses we just hire a band of frightful lawyers and set up an escrow slush fund for whoever we have offended most, thus legally bribing our way out of the problem. We then wait for some other industry, nation or brand to screw up, because international media only cares about the present not the future, and whilst the problems we breed linger for years after they happen, no one wants to hear about stale issues, they want ones fresh out of the oven. So we carpet it and conspire on the next act of terrestrial terrorism.
We welcome people from all walks of life to join us in our commitment to contaminate the circle of life. Throughout the year Garbagea’s many provinces offer a large range of heart wrenching ecological devastations, slaughter spectacles and polluter parades, so plan your visit around our events calendar, which you can acquire via email by contacting us, or by liking our FB nation page or by following us on twitter. We have planned a grand masquerade in Litterin to bring in the apocalypse predicted on December 23 2012, and we invite you to attend it outfitted as a company or brand that religiously contributes to our malicious mission. We are still updating the many sightseeing highlights boasted by the various territories of Garbagea, so we apologize for the lack of specific information on this sector. In the meanwhile, you can always play ‘Pin the Bottle cap on the Garbagean Map’ in your spare time and see which region your core intuitively aligns with. Structured travelers can emails us with concerns and queries and we will get a travel agent from our Litterin HQ in touch with you as quickly as possible.
We don’t trade, we take, and that has placed some strain on our international trade relations, because apparently it is deemed socially unethical to seize property from others without their consent. Foreign governments consider it burglary, but we consider it our birthright, after all it is this sense of entitlement that encourages the ever widening disparity between the haves and the have-nots. Why persecute us for perpetuating a concept that we do not even possess the patent for?
Most nations have yet to decode our odious mores, and since our plastic oceanscapes denude over time into deadly particulate matter and synthetic shards that get consumed by wildlife, it is hard to see the substantial degree to which we have usurped the planet. This is why no nation has elected to blockade us or impress an embargo upon us to date; all they have tried to do is levy fines on our unscrupulous transactions and regulate our activities through globally conceded quotas, restrictions, taxes and tariffs.
We don’t import anything because we don’t like to pay fines, customs, duties, or taxes. Turns out we don’t even have to import, for the world so readily wants to oblige and compensate us. We are so grateful to every nation on this planet for generously contributing to our real estate on a daily basis. So much of our landscape is so readily accessible to us that we do not find the need to shell out a sheet for anything.
We export the oil, gas and coal that we don’t burn because a) we want the rest of the world to manufacture and consume petroleum derivatives b) we cannot single handedly achieve climate change, we need to enlist masses worldwide. It is because people worldwide drive gas guzzling vehicles that we Garbageans are able to meet our annual quotas for carbon and mercury emissions, so Garbagea would like to acknowledge the difference every individual has made, citizens and foreigners alike, to our economy.
GDP & GNP
First of all we Garbageans would like to state that we like using the terms GDP and GNP in casual conversation because it includes the word gross in it. Our Gross Domestic Product is not to be confused with Garbagea’s Discarded Plastic (also GDP), which we often use to hold major cities hostage. Our ransom demands are usually obscene but we enjoy the media hype that our unrealistic assertions rouse. Since we do not produce anything or offer any service that does not benefit us first and foremost, it is safe to conclude that our GDP is indirectly proportionate to the welfare of other nations and the health of the planet. Being sustainable does not facilitate a person’s pocket in the present tense, because each person would have to take into account how each action they commit impacts the collective and in turn the planet. We Garbageans are not happy until everyone is operating out of unadulterated self interest, getting as carpe diem wealthy as possible now! This means everyone is consuming, emitting and exponentially adding to Garbagea’s dimensions on the world map and that nature is subsidizing all the costs, consequences and displacements incurred by such callous anthropogenic activities. Our GNP takes into stock the havoc wreaked by Garbagean expats and emissaries abroad on mission. Together Garbagea’s GDP and GNP give us an accurate projection of how cost blind and price aware every Garbagean is within and beyond national boundaries.
Parasitic Capitalism, also known as the ‘Leech Laissez Faire system’ which runs on the credo: ‘We See, We Like, We Take.’ This system’s axis is permanently tilted in favor of Garbagea which implies that the parasite –Garbagea- is likely to defile the host –the planet- over a laconic period of time. This will most probably lead to the demise of Garbageans too, but we hope to mutate and occupy new niches or worlds by then, keeping with the Red Queen Hypothesis, and Arthur C Clarke.